Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Forehand Schwing

When exactly did women's tennis become a supermodel competition? Back in the day, you had Chris Evert, who was attractive but in a next-door-neighbor-tomboyish-girl kind of way, against Martina Navratilova, who was not attractive in a men-shouldn't-wear-short-skirts kind of way. But at least when they played, it was about the game.

Then Anna Kournikova came along and now women's tennis looks more like a photo shoot for America's Top Model. Last weekend Maria Sharapova defeated Ana Ivanovich to win the... uh... I don't know, The Miss January Open or something. Man. They did NOT look like that when I was young.

Here's a Sports Nuts tennis design for the guys.


Thursday, January 24, 2008

Stop! Thief!

Just FYI, the current issue of Sports Illustrated, dated January 28, features Eli Manning on the cover with the headline "Eli's The Manning".

Uh... HELLO! The Sports Nuts News entry for Jan. 15 was titled "Who's the Manning?" I don't mind the world's premiere sports publication ripping off my stuff but, hey, how about a little credit? Sheesh.

Here's the cover...



















By the way... Sports Nuts News picks The Giants to stun the world by beating the Patriots 24-17. You read it here first.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Sad Commentaries

Okay, how many more people are going to get into trouble because of a bad joke?

On January 4, Golf Channel commentator Kelly Tilghman made an unintentionally—but still offensive—racist comment about Tiger Woods's fellow golfers "lynching" him in order to overcome his talents in the Mercedes-Benz Challenge. It was a stupid remark that angered a lot of people, including the Rev. Al Sharpton, who called for Tilghman's job. The Golf Channel instead issued an apology and suspended Tilghman for two weeks.

Case closed, right? Not so fast.

In "covering" the flap, Golfweek magazine decided it would be a good idea to put a picture of a noose on the cover of its Jan. 19 issue. Yes, a noose.

Wow.

Tilghman can be forgiven for making an ill-advised, off-the-cuff ad lib during a live commentary. But the editor of Golfweek had to sit down and actually THINK that putting a noose—a symbol of execution, oppression, and terror—on the cover of a sports magazine would be a good idea. For that sad decision the publication's editor and vice president Dave Seanor was fired following overwhelming and almost immediate outrage from subscribers.

Can't wait to see what comes next; perhaps a Sports Illustrated cover of some hooded Klansmen setting fire to a hole flag on the 15th green at Augusta?

For a slightly less controversial golf tribute, check out today's Sports Nuts design.


Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Who's the Manning?

Okay, I officially rescind my previous post about Eli Manning. If you had told me last week that Eli would be playing in the conference championship that Peyton would be watching on TV, I might have had to hit you with something heavy and sharp. But Eli is finally starting to show some confidence; finally starting to get his play-makers to make plays, and finally starting to mature in his leadership role.

How will this bode on the frozen tundra Sunday night? Brett has the resume and the homefield but Eli's got nothing to lose but his toes. Stay tuned.

Check out today's Sports Nuts design.


Monday, January 7, 2008

Eli's coming... or is he?

Is there anyone else as baffled by the enigma that is Eli Manning? Through the 06 and 07 seasons I've been waiting... and waiting—like some guy without a raincoat standing in a driving downpour waiting for a crosstown bus; and just when a bus pulls up, it turns out to be the wrong one. One minute, Eli shows flashes of competence (no, not brilliance, just competence) and effective leadership. The next minute, he's thrown the ball 10 feet off the mark and is walking to the sidelines with that freshly kicked puppy look.

Fortunately for Giants fans, the right Eli showed up against Tampa Bay last Sunday. But will he show against Dallas next week?

Check out today's Sports Nuts design.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Where is Donald Trump when you need him?

"I believe one day we will win a championship here, and I believe a couple of these guys will be a part of that, and I believe I will be a part of that."

No, those aren't the words of new Dodgers manager Joe Torre or Houston Texans head coach Gary Kubiak, who guided his team to a respectable .500 record this year for the first time in team history.

No. Those are the words of... excuse me, I can't believe I'm typing this... those are the words of ISIAH THOMAS! The head coach of the NBA's New York Nots—who have lost their last five games, and 11 of their last 13, and 22 of the 30 they've played this season—actually believes he can lead this "team" to an NBA title. Apparently, he hasn't heard the chorus of fans filling the Garden with the not-so-dulcet strains of "Fire Isiah Now!" Apparently he hasn't noticed that ESPN has named him the top choice for the coach most likely to be fired... and soon. Apparently he hasn't noticed Nike's newly released Isiah Thomas model: Air Head.

So let's add Sports Nuts News to the cacophonous din of fans asking, imploring, pleading Isiah to please, PLEASE, consider the many benefits of owning your own Amway distributorship.

Enjoy today's Sports Nuts design, available at www.cafepress.com/sportsnuts.




Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Open Season on Bicuspids

The tinkle of teeth bouncing off the ice, the wet thud of frozen pucks caroming off the skulls of crazed spectators, the sickening crackle of fractured clavicles...

As football season comes to close, hockey starts to have slightly more appeal. Kind of like going to the movies and finding that the movie you wanted to see is sold out. "Ah, whatever. Gimme two tickets for that slasher flick."

In honor of the NHL, check out today's Sports Nuts design.
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