Ya Doesn't Have to Call Me Ray

Okay, this happened like three months ago but I couldn't let it pass. I just discovered that the American League's Tampa Bay Devil Rays have officially changed their name to the Tampa Bay Rays. (Charles? Liotta? Romano?)

And they didn't just drop the modifying "devil," so as to affiliate themselves less specifically with the broader range of plankton-sucking mantas gliding so effortlessly beneath the seas. No, the team now wants to be known as "rays" of sunshine. I'm not kidding. The team's owner said, "We are now the ‘Rays’—a beacon that radiates throughout Tampa Bay and across the entire state of Florida." They've changed their logo, the team colors (navy and light blue, to represent the dark blue water and clear blue skies), and the team mascot. I don't know what the mascot is but I imagine Kirstie Alley in a Sponge Bob Halloween costume.

I just wish they had consulted Sports Nuts News first. I have some better suggestions:

1. The Tampa Bay Humidity
2. The Tampa Bay Melanoma
3. The Tampa Bay Sidewalk Omelets
4. The Tampa Bay Storm Surge
5. The Tampa Pons

Anyway, I haven't heard any beacons of shining news about increasing the team's payroll, which stands at about $24 million, roughly the amount A-Rod makes by Memorial Day. But perhaps this brilliant new look will infuse the spiffy new Rays with the ability to reach their first third-place divisional finish in team history.

In other breaking news, the Toronto Blue Jays have decided to drop the depressive connotations of "blue" and call themselves only The Jays. National anthems will only be sung by the O'Jays, Jay and the Americans, or Jay Z. New mascot? Its name is Leno.

Today's Sports Nuts design...