Circus City

I just want to say in this public forum that, should the unthinkable happen and the Mets actually sign Barry Bonds, I plead "not guilty by reason of insanity" in advance of the 12-state shooting spree I'm likely to conduct as a result. (Don't worry, it will just be a Red Ryder BB gun and the only damage I'm likely to do is to put my eye out.) I'm sorry, but a statement has to be made.

With left-fielder Moises Alou, the Human Ace Bandage, injured yet again to start the season, rumors continue to fly that the Mets might still replace him with the the Juice Master 762, which seems about as logical a move as bringing Dustin Diamond back for another season of Celebrity Fit Club. Not for the reasons you might think. Yes, he's a cheater. Yes, he's in big legal trouble. Yes, he ranks between bin Laden and Hitler for Most Reviled Character in History. And those are all valid reasons.

But my main reason for banning Bonds from Shea is that, regardless of how the season ends, Bonds will be given credit for it.

If the Mets sign Bonds and get a ring because he produces, it will be all because of Bonds. I don't care if Santana wins the Cy Young again, if Wright hits .310/35/120, and Reyes steals 90. The headlines will say, "Bonds Brings Mets First Title in 22 Years!"

If they sign him and don't get a ring, it will be all because of Bonds. From BP to the showers, the New York media will scrutinize with electron-microscope precision every conceivable negative influence he's inflicting on the Mets to bring them down.

To paraphrase Joe Pesci in "Raging Bull": "If you win, you lose. If you lose, you still lose." Bringing Bonds to New York is a lose-lose situation.

Mixed Nuts:

• I'm signing off now to watch Siena play Villanova. What a stunner watching the 13-seed Saints take down 4-seed Vandy; my favorite from Upset City this week. I confess to falling asleep in the first quarter of Nova vs. Clemson (after the Wildcats fell by 10 in like the first eight seconds). This one, I'm staying up for. (Good thing the game is at noon.)