One is the Onliest Number

I don't want to hear about how great you did on your brackets, k? How hard was it on March 20 to write UCLA, UNC, Kansas, and Memphis in the Final Four brackets? March Madness is about underdogs—just a wide-eyed bunch of Hickory Husker wannabes with a broken down bus and dreams of Nike endorsements.

Now, with Davidson gone it's like watching Superman, Batman, Spiderman, and Captain America fight over the last Heineken in the frig. Granted, an interesting fight (Superman in a cake walk, btw), but far more interesting if Howard the Duck shows up to kick some super brat ass.

Screw it. I'm writing in Coppin State.

Mixed Nuts:

• This just in about the Not-er-Bockers... Donnie Walsh Named New President of Knicks Operations! aweirw fiw[q[ [pfw 2093019 ... Sorry for that outburst, it's not easy to type while doing cartwheels. First order of business with the team on the verge of losing a franchise record 60 games? Thank Isiah for his service as coach and set him up with a lucrative falafel vendorship outside the Garden.

• Three and one third. That's how many innings it took Pedro "Help, I've Fallen" Martinez to injure himself yet again and cast a pall over the Mets' season. I love Pedro but I think the organization has to give some serious thought to maintaining a starter who can't tie his cleats without splintering a femur. Sorry Pedro. But I hear Isiah is hiring falafel makers!


A new Sports Nuts design...

Knick Nots

1. Michael Jordan
2. Kobe Bryant
3. Allen Iverson
4. Lebron James
5. Shaquille O'Neal
6. Tracy McGrady
7. Dwyane Wade
8. Jason Kidd
9. Vince Carter
10. Tim Duncan

Those are the top 10 best-selling NBA jerseys sold at the NBA store on Fifth Ave. in NYC over the past decade. That's Fifth Ave. ... in NEW YORK CITY.

And yet, there isn't a single player on the list who has played a minute for the New York Knicks. Not Starbury, not Allan Houston, not even Ewing. Granted, Patrick's last season was 99-00, just a year after the store opened, but he is still a Knick legend. You would think that the man who took the the team from Lottery Land to the NBA Finals—and who is the first to have his jersey hang in the MSG rafters since the 1970 championship starters—would be able to move some sportswear on Fifth Avenue, at least in the late '90s and early '00s.

That's not a commentary on Patrick Ewing, it's a commentary (and a damn sad one) on how far this team has fallen; that and the fact that they needed overtime to beat the Miami Heat this week. OVERTIME! The Heat, which at 13-59 has since been renamed the Miami You Know, It's Actually Kind of Chilly in Here. Like watching two drunks trying to pass each other on a building ledge.

Mixed Nuts: As of this writing, the only team in the Elite Eight with a double-digit seed is Davidson. In the West it's 1 vs. 3 (UCLA/Xavier); in the South 1 vs. 2 (Memphis/Texas); and 1 vs. 3 (UNC/Louisville) in the East. I'm always happy to see the brand names duking it out but bracket madness is nothing without one long-shot (nine points according to Vegas) shocking the world. Go Wildcats.

Today's Sports Nuts design...

<