Curses

Other than the passionate man-love for Brett Farve that John Madden has expressed openly all these years, is there any conceivable reason EA Sports would put Farve on the cover of their Madden NFL '09, other than to break "the curse"?

If you're unfamiliar with the curse, you can read about it here. Essentially, the legend goes that virtually every athlete who has ever appeared on the video game's cover has been injured, wounded, dismembered, or otherwise mangled in the following season. In the rare case that they weren't incapacitated by injury, the player's subsequent season was marked by spectacular mediocrity. The curse has claimed greats and potential greats such as Eddie George, Dante Culpepper, Marshall Faulk, Michael Vick, Ray Lewis, Donovan McNabb, Shaun Alexander, and Vince Young.

So, to the relief of fans of the Colts, Chargers, Patriots, Giants, Eagles, Saints, and Cowboys—all which had legitimate stars who might have been considered for the cover—the newly released Madden '09 will be graced by Saint Brett, who conveniently will not even be playing next year. The announcement of the cover was made on the same day that the Packers announced that Farve had been officially placed on the reserve-retired list.

Careful Brett. Keep an eye out for low-flying planes. Stay off ladders. And don't let Madden roll over on you in bed.

Mixed Nuts:

• Open Letter to Sam Vincent: Word's out that you've been fired as head coach of the NBA's Charlotte Bobcats after just one 32-50 season. Sorry, Sam, we really are. But if you're thinking about the Knicks, we feel we should let you know that New York is full. Seriously. No parking available. Lots of crime and smog and terrorism and stuff. The media will kill ya. Egg creams are overrated. So is Broadway. You want to pay $150 a pop for nosebleed seats to a show about the Wicked Witch of the West? And just TRY to get a cab in midtown on weekdays. Really. Ever price condos in the Village or the Upper West Side? Fuggedaboudit. And the roaches! Good GOD the roaches!! Seriously. Stay away. Thanks. Chicago! Now THAT'S a city!

Sincerely,
Knicks fans concerned for your well-being

• Never thought I'd be saying this but, it's time for the Giants to pull the trigger on the Shockey deal. I've always admired his enthusiasm and heart, but the Blue offense isn't geared to Shockey's desperate need to have the ball; he is injury prone; and he doesn't want to be in New York. Kevin Boss impressed in the post-season after Shockey broke his leg in December. Shockey's always been one of my favorite players, even with all the showboating; but a second round pick is fair and will probably benefit the Saints as much as the Giants. Let's just pull the Band-Aid off quickly.

• Gotta go. It's getting drafty in here.

I Don't Like to Brag

Time once again to remind our readers how great Sports Nuts News is...

• predicted the Giants Super Bowl victory
• two weeks after SNN posted the headline "Who's the Manning?" Sports Illustrated answered with a cover headline, "Eli's the Manning" (Okay, maybe not the cleverest of headers but if the world's leading sports publication can use it, it's nice to think that they stole it from us.)
• predicted the Rangers to win in five in the NHL playoffs first round
• missed the predicted date of Bye-siah Thomas' firing by only 24 hours

Not bad for three months' work.

Mixed Nuts:

• Winner of this month's Golden Duh Award: ESPN's Stephen A. Smith, who said, "If you think the firing of Isiah Thomas will solve all the Knicks' problems, think again." Gee, you mean a new coach won't get us into the 2009 finals despite five years of bad contracts, bad management, bad coaching, bad karma, and bad blood? Thanks, Carnac.

• Nice to see Danica win her first—a true landmark for women in racing—but I've yet to see a news outlet fail to note that the reason for her victory was her pit crew's judicious fuel strategy. She may have had something to do with it, too, guys.

• Note to Maaaaaarrrrrtttttyyyy Brodeur: Good luck getting Steve Avery out of your head this summer. Might as well invite him over to dinner every night. He's going to be there anyway.

• NBA playoff predictions:
- West/Round 1: Lakers, Spurs, Hornets, Jazz
- East/Round 1: Celts, Cavs, Magic, Pistons

Perfect Shmerfect... Fermo de tutti Fermi

You wanna talk NFL catches? Okay, let's talk NFL catches. Forget Dwight Clark's "The Catch" in the '81 NFC championship. Forget Lynn Swann in SB X. Forget even the Giants/Niners replacement game during the '87 strike (where "Giants" wide receiver Lewis Bennett reached behind the defender, tipped the ball over him, and grabbed it for a touchdown).

Forget them all. There has never been a catch to equal David Tyree's last night in SB 42. That catch was the Ringling Bros. center ring of circus catches. A blindfolded guy on a high wire juggling Volkswagons.

Recap for the six Tibetan monks who were meditating on a Himalayan mountaintop when their cable when out...

A minute and small change left, Giants on New England's 44, third and five. Nanoseconds from being sacked, Eli Manning—his jersey still stretched by the beefy clutches of the Patriot defense—somehow squirts through the sausage grinder and chucks a benediction down field. Well-covered and airborne... actually INVERTED and airborne... Tyree leaps and grabs Manning's 32-yarder by PINNING THE BALL TO HIS HELMET. He literally holds it against his blue-clad skull while falling backwards and then landing on top of defender Rodney Harrison. There isn't a single person who saw it—Giants fan, Patriots fan, or the people just watching for the commercials—who expected that ball to stay in Tyree's hands, or should I say, on his head. It HAD to be an incompletion. It HAD to pop out of his hands. It HAD to be fourth down and a long-shot field goal attempt. There's no way he could... But he did. Three plays later Manning lofts a gimme into the corner and the GEEEEEEEE-MEN go up 17-14, thanks to a schoolyard head fake by Plaxico Burress on a routine out route.

Suddenly, it's Rocky IV and the invincible Drago is cut. Tony Burton is screaming at Rocky, "You see? You see? He's NOT a machine, he's a man, he's a man!" All game long the Big Blue Wrecking Crew treated Tom Brady like he was an over-stuffed six-foot-four pinata, squashing the heart of the greatest offense of all time. And yet, it still looked like the Giants offense wouldn't be able to get it done. Until the catch that kept the drive alive, and ended the Patriots' dream season in the most nerve-shredding, nail-chomping, cardiac-arresting Super Bowl ever.

As predicted by Sports Nuts News on Jan. 24, the Giants stun the world. And best of all, Tiki the Traitor can sit on the couch during the Today Show in his Armani suit, discussing the 2008 Vera Wang bridal collection with Anne Curry, but there won't be any Super Bowl ring on his treacherous finger. Those are reserved for the guys who sucked it up, stuck it out, kept their mouths shut, and played like champions.

Today's congratulatory Sports Nuts design...

Stop! Thief!

Just FYI, the current issue of Sports Illustrated, dated January 28, features Eli Manning on the cover with the headline "Eli's The Manning".

Uh... HELLO! The Sports Nuts News entry for Jan. 15 was titled "Who's the Manning?" I don't mind the world's premiere sports publication ripping off my stuff but, hey, how about a little credit? Sheesh.

Here's the cover...



















By the way... Sports Nuts News picks The Giants to stun the world by beating the Patriots 24-17. You read it here first.

Who's the Manning?

Okay, I officially rescind my previous post about Eli Manning. If you had told me last week that Eli would be playing in the conference championship that Peyton would be watching on TV, I might have had to hit you with something heavy and sharp. But Eli is finally starting to show some confidence; finally starting to get his play-makers to make plays, and finally starting to mature in his leadership role.

How will this bode on the frozen tundra Sunday night? Brett has the resume and the homefield but Eli's got nothing to lose but his toes. Stay tuned.

Check out today's Sports Nuts design.

Eli's coming... or is he?

Is there anyone else as baffled by the enigma that is Eli Manning? Through the 06 and 07 seasons I've been waiting... and waiting—like some guy without a raincoat standing in a driving downpour waiting for a crosstown bus; and just when a bus pulls up, it turns out to be the wrong one. One minute, Eli shows flashes of competence (no, not brilliance, just competence) and effective leadership. The next minute, he's thrown the ball 10 feet off the mark and is walking to the sidelines with that freshly kicked puppy look.

Fortunately for Giants fans, the right Eli showed up against Tampa Bay last Sunday. But will he show against Dallas next week?

Check out today's Sports Nuts design.